well by golly gee...it's been a heck of a long time since i've posted anything on xanga...well...recently i've been up to nothing in particular..just hanging out in the new apartment in san bernardino....

I'm still mourning the loss of my bestest friend in the whole wide world...and still will continue to be my bestest friend for the rest of my life...  Ann Ji-Hee Suh...

There are a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about everything that has happened in the past few months, or even the past few years... I just want to let everyone know that she was an amazing person... she was a loving mom, a caring dad, a bullying older brother or sister, and playful and joyous little brother or sister.

She was also the best boyfriend/husband a girl/woman could have and the best girlfriend/wife a boy/man could ever love...  She will be missed terribly by many... I do know that no matter how many years pass from here on out... I will NEVER FORGET HER...so she will never be forgotten.

She gave up everything in the world and in her life for me... (So I have come to realize and greatly appreciate, and didn't wait till it was too late to let her know she was loved and appreciated 200%)  She allowed me to meet and join her family, and call it my own...I also did the same for her.  There was nothing that she didn't do for me or to me or whatever, good or bad that I regret...  Other than I didn't get a chance to get to know her family the way that she knew them, or the way that I think she knew them.

You are missed Annie... I don't care what anyone say to me, about me, or to you or about you...  We'll be together soon... eatting sushi with Ji-Hoon in your room again w/ EEK...  I LOVE YOU... and can feel you around all the time... i hope you hear my prayers... take care of yourself... I'm on my way.... ^_^

           May the road rise beneath us,

                    May the wind blow at your hair,

                               May sun shine softly on your face,

        ......don't remember the rest of the words......that was your part Ann......

                                       *                      *   ..........and...until we meet again........

                                 *   ****             ****  *                .......until we meet again.........

                          ***** * ***      *     *** * *****

                                *****  *******  ******  

                                      ***************

                                            *********

                                                  ***                          .....May GOD hold you in......

                                                    *     

..... the PALMS OF HIS HANDS.....

I LOVE YOU JI-HEE.....   SA-RANG-HAY!!!

<<^^TeAr DrOpS^^>>                           

hello to my fourth blog on Myspace.com...There have been a few things that have been bothering me about certain individuals, and I don't normally have a problem letting people know that there is something that is on my mind, or that there is something that is bothering me. Reason why I have no problem is because most of the time just about everything about everything bothers me no matter what. I am just a cynical kind of person, or just easily irritated. I mean like don't get me wrong, I am really easy to get along with, but where there is something that bothers me, it really bothers me, they are never just those small kinda things that you just brush off.

Well, call me a hypocrite or whatever you wanna say, but there are a few individuals that I am having a hard time putting words together in order for me to talk to them about what is bothering me, but I just can't seem to think of anything. Because on a normal day, I would just tell you, cuss words, big words (if I can think of any on the spot), small words, words that aren't words, I just don't hold back. But I kinda do care on whether or not I hurt their feelings, and I would rather not...It's not like I haven't cared on whether or not I hurt everyone else that I have confronted or just let know what was up, it's just I dunno...It's just one of those, if you have ever had one, you'll know.

Have you ever just really sat down to think about what you were going to say to a certain group of people, or even individual and just not know what to say. Well, I don't normally have that problem, because I just tend to say what is on my mind, and you can either take what I say as a friend that is just really frustrated, and really doesn't want to hurt you, but doesn't know any other way to address it, or you can take it offensively and not be my friend anymore...personally those who have chosen to not be my friend and those who choose not to be my friend (in the future) i have something to say, "There was a point in my life that i never had you in my life, and as i look back and of what i remember, my life was pretty okay with out you. When I met you, it did brighten my life up, becasue there was some else out there that i could meet and grow with, but if you decide that what i said was just too much and that you will be better off with out me, well then so be it, because mark my word, unless you have done something ABSOLUTELY AMAZING FOR MY LIFE AND/OR MADE AN IMPRESSION IN MY HEART, I won't be callin you back... I was good with you, and mark my word, I will be just as good or even better with you out of it.

Okay i am sorry i just totally went off on a tangent on that paragraph...but basically what i am getting at, is that i am trying to figure out what i want to say or what exactly i should say that won't necessarily come off like i am trying to kick some ass or whatever, and yet make my point strong and REMEMBERED. But when i think about what i want to say, all that i can think about is really mean things...like there is nothing constructive. I have tried many times to think of ways to bring up my situations that i want fixing and not come off as an angry bitch, but you know what...Not all the time, but many times, when i think about it...it's really hard for me to not want to turn in to an angry bitch, because i get angry when i cannot just be myself...and being myself is just letting whoever know what is up, and either it gets fixed on their behalf, or we compromise (spell check) and or i realize that i am just trippin and being stupid, or PEACE OUT...

I don't know if what i am trying to say is really making any sense, because usually when i am really upset, or something is bothering me and i am not able to talk about it and resolve it, i feel like i have lost control...becasue i get really discouraged when i feel like the problem is just such a simple problem to be solved if everything i wanted to say could be said without ANY offense taken, then i get discouraged about finding my solutions for the bigger problems that i know i am/have/will be facing... I just don't know where to go from here....

I'm seriously at a loss i feel...it sucks...